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The Journey Ahead from Christian Appleby on Vimeo.
If you were a pregnant mother, and had been told your child screened positive for Down syndrome, and your fancy doctor who was going to be doing your ultrasound showed you a slide with this information on his web site, what would you think?
I wish all of us could have a list like this of the problems with being human. We all are predisposed to possible "issues." Some of us will get cancer at a higher rate, some have heart issues. Some of us are drug addicts, or alcohol addicts. Some have flat feet. If you totalled up everything that you might have, or your husband might have, or your typical children might have, and saw a list, you would live in fear.
In our case, so far, Violette has been quite healthy. She has a congenital heart defect, but it is minor. Thing about people with Down syndrome is that while "congenital heart defect" sounds frightening, where medicine is today, the type of heart defects typical of people with DS are usually treatable, and kids with DS do very very well after the surgery. Violette hasn't needed heart surgery, and if she does, it will be a minor procedure (believe it or not) where they will run something up her leg, and she'll be done.
Violette may have a "gastrointesinal malformation." She takes reflux medication every morning and every afternoon - a half a teaspoon full of zantac. No biggie if you stay on top of it. If you don't treat it, it can lead to serious issues. But we treat it, and she should be in good shape. (Her maternal grandmother has been taking meds like Zantac for the last 20 years for her "gastorintesinal malformation" and we all think she's more than OK.)
Other than that, right now she has bad eyes - like her mother and her father (and her grandparents and her cousins and her uncles.) And she'll be getting glasses.
This doctor irks me. I can't lie. If this slide was followed up with something about what life can be like for people with Down syndrome, a point to the quality of life of the family or a reference to learning more about DS from an organization that specializes in it (there are 5 clinics for DS in California, and several excellent parent support groups) I'd have more respect for what this doctor is trying to do. Why, for instance, didn't he comment on the fact that people with DS are less likly to get solid tumor cancers?
Doctors giving only one part of the story about Down syndrome should soon become the dinosaurs that they are. There is a new law, Public Law No: 110-374 is called the Prenatally and Postnatally Diagnosed Conditions Awareness Act.
It is the purpose of this Act to--
(1) increase patient referrals to providers of key support services for women who have received a positive diagnosis for Down syndrome, or other prenatally or postnatally diagnosed conditions, as well as to provide up-to-date information on the range of outcomes for individuals living with the diagnosed condition, including physical, developmental, educational, and psychosocial outcomes;
(2) strengthen existing networks of support through the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, the Health Resources and Services Administration, and other patient and provider outreach programs; and
(3) ensure that patients receive up-to-date, evidence-based information about the accuracy of the test.
As for me, I don't spend a whole lot of time worried about Violette's health. Monitor it closely, yes, but worry about it, not so much. I feel she is here, with us for a reason. I want to enjoy living with her silly little self and not waste time worried about what might be. The list above is merely what is possible - not a definitive list of what is going to happen. It would have been nice if the doctor had pointed that out.
One thing that I've noticed really has helped her with her attention is when I say "look at this" I first get her attention and get her looking at me and my face, then make an L at my eye level where she can see it and say "look" having her follow my L to what I want her to look at. Then I'll ask her which she wants. For whatever reason if I say "look at the dog, Violette" she would look at me, and not turn her head to look the direction I wanted her to. With this little technique, it seems to have helped her learn what "look" means.
I also will sometimes notice if she is holding onto something, she won't sign - I'm not sure if she thinks her hand is too busy holding up what she's got it on to sign, but usually I'll move it and let it be free when I want her to sign.
Violette loves popsicles. That was a great motivator. The sign is pretty easy (we use the sign for ice cream), and I could work on "more" and "popsicles" and "please." I'd say if you are working with your child on the signs, try to find a sign that is an easy "win." "Cookie" was another one that worked well to get her motivated.
I did some hand over hand at first, where I would first model the sign, then pick up her hands to get her to do it. I alway make it a game - like it is the most fun thing in the whole world, and I praise her when she gets it right. I also think you need to be pretty loose at first in praising the early attempts at signs, even if they aren't perfect. Communication is the name of the game.
We also will sit in a circle and play games with her sisters and we all sign. It can be with a ball, or with music, or with a toy animal. We always play fun games with the signs for "wait" "go" and "stop." That's fun in almost every situation - particularly on the swing set.
Or I'll quiz her sisters on all the signs they know - and her father too. It was really funny one night. We were playing show me the sign, where I rapid fire ask everyone to show different signs they knew. Violette was right in the game, watching and playing along. Then we played "let's quiz Daddy." He's getting better, but doesn't have nearly the vocabulary that the older two girls and I have. So I was rolling through signs. I got to the sign for "Game." http://tiny.cc/C3Gvz He was totally perplexed, and I happened to look over at Miss Violette and sure enough, she was signing GAME perfectly. Cracked all of us up, because none of us knew she knew the sign but she sure knew she did!
The really cool thing that is happening lately is that she is saying the words as she is signing them. Everything I read told me she would talk when she could talk, and so far, it sure has been the case!
The short version of why she signs so well is that she is exposed to a lot of sign, all the time. Her sisters (who are 4 and 9) and I took up signing as a hobby, and got a lot of exposure to sign right after she was born. We invested in a season of Signing Time the Christmas after she was born, and I basically forced the kids to watch it, lol, and started quizzing them on the signs in the videos. Violette loves ST - it really holds her attention.
Then I taught the girls to always sign the signs they knew when they were talking to her. We started slow - more, all done, potty and eat and drink. We've always tried to stay right ahead of her interests, so if we were going to a farm, we'd learn the farm words. Holiday? We'd learn the holiday signs. It has really been a hands on game with me and all 3 of the girls. I'm convinced at some point in their later lives it will come in handy - many schools teach sign as a 2nd language so you don't have to take German or French or Chinese or Spanish. My oldest is taking Spanish at school, so she enjoys the idea that she is learning 3 languages.
We incorporate sign very fluidly in our day to day activity with her. When we are playing, we will sign "more" "wait" or "stop." We sign food words. We sign the ASL signs for the itsy bitsy spider, etc. Our sitter also has watched a lot of hours of ST and willingly has learned and used sign with her as well.
Two things have motivated me. One is that I have no idea how far Vi's spoken language will progress - so basically I've assumed that there is a possibility that sign could be her major communication device and decided to be as serious about signing with her as I would have been if she had been born deaf or hard of hearing. Most kids with Down syndrome do learn to speak - they are just delayed compared to typical kids. If she isn't going to talk for a few years, why not have a way to communicate with us so she keeps trying to communicate.
The other is that I have wanted to learn to sign since I was about 11 years old. I had been on a big Helen Keller kick as a child - she was always so inspirational to me. Now that I have a practical opportunity to learn it, and a good excuse, I've really put my head down to learn sign.
We love Signing Time, and we have really enjoyed this site: http://www.signingsavvy.com/. The older girls ask me all the time "Mommy, what is the sign for X?" and I use signing savvy. They also have a great list of baby signs.
I'm amazed at how well she knows those signs. I'd say she knows at least 75 signs now, and she adds more all the time. I love calling out signs at random that she knows and asking her to sign the words like she did on the video on the blog. Most of the time she can sign them as fast as I can say them. It is really fun now when I show her a new book how she will sign things she sees on the page - I know she is associating the sign with the object.
For us, it really hasn't been a big deal that she isn't speaking more (though she is starting to attempt to say more things, which makes me happy) because she is so communicative through sign. It has been really cool to watch how quickly she picked some of them up from Signing Time.
There are so many advantages to signing as a parent, even with our typical kids. If we are ever in a situation where our little angels are misbehaving, without saying a word to call them out, we can communicate with them.
It is so hard to explain to anyone who doesn't have a child with Down syndrome (or a sibling or a grandchild) that for me, I was LUCKY to be The One in the 1 in 16 odds I was given that she would have DS. She is, in a word, extraordinary.
I was so wrong about the things I had feared:
Life as we knew it would change. I was right about this one. Every new little person in your life changes you. But I never would have suspected 2 years ago right now, that the change would have been wrapped up in all of the joy and humor this little person has brought into my life.
As a family, we've learned a new language. We all know many signs, and love having a cool secret language that we know. The girls know what "Down sind-wome" is, as Lilianne would say. The words which were so very difficult to choke out for me at first now roll off all of us as easily as we say Vivianne is left handed and Lilianne has curls. It is just a characteristic. It isn't a person. It doesn't define her. It is a trait.
I've changed - I am on the Board of Directors for our Local Down syndrome organization I know as much about the subject of Down syndrome as anyone really needs to know. I am a strong supporter of women online who receive a prenatal diagnosis that their child has DS. I know what a difficult time that time is, and what it is like once you get past it. I've also benefited from meeting many people with DS, including a woman who works at 5/3 Bank, who has been an e-mail pen pal to me. I've asked her a million and one questions about what it means to have Down syndrome as an adult in Cincinnati. This wonderful young woman's articulate, kind (amazingly quick) e-mail responses have told me that everything I had dreamed about for Miss V the day before she was born are indeed still possible.
Steve and I both now look at other children and people with disabilities. I see them now much more clearly, and I see how many of them are so cherished by the people who love them.
Tonight, a very sweet two year old had a birthday party. She wore a little hat. She blew out candles on her cake. She fed herself pizza. She went crazy over her presents. She thanked everyone who gave her a present. And she laughed. She laughed a lot. Just like any other two year old.
Thanks for reading this far. We'd love it if you would join Team Violette at this year's Buddy Walk http://tiny.cc/Cz2kh. The Buddy Walk isn't like many of the walks you may participate in. We aren't trying to find a "cure" for Down syndrome. Instead, the point of the Walk is to raise awareness for what DS is, and what it isn't, support families like ours (and they are amazing at support!) and celebrate extraordinary lives.
Happy Birthday Violette!